Holding On



“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”

– Franklin D. Roosevelt

Hold On, The Light Will Come
http://youtu.be/0OvPN1vtZos

     My mother used to say this quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt, and it has helped me "hold on" sometimes when I have literally felt like I was at the end of my rope (like about now). This past week was "one of those" weeks. It was full of demands and activities, all good things, but just very demanding and stressful on both my physical and mental capacity to endure. I am thankful to put that one behind me and to have a little down time for a few days.

     One of the activities that I participated in last week was the 170th anniversary of the organization of The Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, an organization to which I have belonged since I turned 18 years old. It is the oldest women's organization in the world and among the membership are some of my greatest friends, heros and mentors. I am so privileged to be a part of this organization for women. I have had the priviledge to serve in some leadership positions in this organization over my adult lifetime. One such opportunity took place over 21 years ago in a small unit of the church in a small Georgia town, La Grange.

    I was 28 years old when I was asked to serve as president of the chapter of this organization in LaGrange, Georgia. At the time I had a son who was two years old, and I had just discovered I was expecting our second child, a daughter. I was overcome with feelings of inadequacy and fear when I was asked to serve in this capacity, mostly because I was so young and inexperienced as a young wife and mother and as a member of this organization. However, over the course of the next 19 months of service I learned that "with God all things are possible". I served with some wonderful ladies who are my "sisters" to this day, and who always will be so in my heart.

    The childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is simply not true. This past week some things have happened and some words have been said that have caused me to question some events from my past and present, and to question my abilities and worth. I'm sure the words that were spoken were innocent in the view of the speaker (perhaps even said in jest in their mind), but they have had a effect on me. Perhaps I am just too sensitive, but I have been thinking much about what I have done in my life and with my life up to this point. It has caused me to re-evaluate some of what I thought were the most valuable and important events and experiences in my life so far.

    I value the act of remembering. One of the reasons that I keep such detailed journals is so that when times like this come (and they always seem to come back around) I can go back into my journals and re-read the entries to regain some perspective. However, this time I came upon an even greater gift that has helped me to re-adjust my perspective on these things. In 1991, while I was serving in the before mentioned capacity as Branch Relief Society President, my husband decided to return to college to pursue his Master's Degree. This meant that we would need to move closer to his school location and away from some of my dear friends and "sisters" in the LaGrange Branch. On the eve of our move, my dear friend, Lee Ann (who was also serving as my assistant at the time) put together a farewell event for me. She tape recorded some of the thoughts and messages that some of my dearest friends said to and about me that evening, and I have kept it these 21 years. This morning I dug that tape out and listened to it (and cried, of course). These dear friends may never know how much the words and thoughts that were said that night meant to me on this day of discouragement and doubt. These dear friends knew me, and know me, and it is through this sweet remembrance that I have come to remember and re-accquaint myself with me. The real me, the me before the criticisms, the disappointments, the doubts, the cynicism crept into my view of myself and my world. I will be forever grateful for this great blessing this morning and for these wonderful women and the influence they were, and still are, in my life.

    I don't know the future and what it will hold for me, but I do know that with God's help "all things are possible" and that He is to whom I will turn and on whom I will lean to help me rise above all of this strife. I don't know when, or even if, these trials will end, but I do know in whom I can trust. I am so thankful to have had this way to remember and recognize my truer self. I love these dear "Sisters in Zion" and will be forever thankful and blessed by my association with them in this life. So, thank you, Lee Ann, Chris, Amanda, Barbara, Emogene, Lee, Gaye, Claudia, Yvonne, Carol, Maren and so many others who have been such a wonderful part of my life. I love you - and I will rise!

“What lies behind us and what lies before us

are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. “

– attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I Will Rise (Shawn McDonald)

http://youtu.be/SmyTB733Pi0

In the Garden

"We are nearest to God in a garden" - Unknown

Turn, Turn, Turn (The Byrds)

http://youtu.be/WB6jhbtDUZE

     This time of year I always start to get the itch to get out into my garden. The purple, white and yellow crocuses are already beginning to bloom. I see the tips of the tulips, hyacinths, and daffodills beginning to poke their green heads up through the cold, dark ground. The roses are beginning to bud, as are the hydrangea. The temperatures are warming and before long all of the lovely colors and smells of Spring will be erupting along the side of my house and in the yards of my neighbors up and down my street. Is there anything more hopeful and inviting than the blossoming of Spring after a long, cold, dark and snowy winter?

     My mother loved her flower gardens. She had roses that could rival the best in the country! She enjoyed iris, lilies, hyacinths, lilacs, and petunias. One of the things that I can remember doing with my mother is planting the petunias in the small garden patch along the front walkway up to our house. Mother would dig the hole and I would pour in a mixture of water and Miracle Gro fertilizer. Sometimes she would let me put the plants into the hole and she would cover their roots and then, vice versa, and I would cover the plants after she put them in the hole. We both enjoyed the sight and smell of the purple, white and pink petunia that we planted together there.

     My mother came from a family heritage of gardeners. My grandfather always had a lovely flower garden (as well as a vegetable garden) along the side of his yard. Grandpa would grow huge sunflowers along his fence line and would harvest the seeds for snacking in the fall. My grandfather was a carpenter by trade and he would make cute mechanical garden ornaments that would move in the breeze. As a child I used to love to look at Grandpa's garden and the little woodcutter chopping wood in the breeze, or watch the pinwheel spinning in the wind. My mother learned well from her father the art and skill of gardening.

     Each Spring I can hardly wait to make my annual trip to the greenhouse to select my plants for the flower garden and my container vegetable garden. I remember one Spring, I believe it was the year after my mother passed away, I went out into my yard and began digging in the flowerbed to prepare it for planting some marigolds. As I began digging I kept thinking of my mother and the times that we spent together planting and working in her gardens together. Suddenly she was there. Not in any physical form, but I felt her presence as if she were standing right beside me, planting along with me. Every Spring as I look at the garden spot and plan for the upcoming season I think of my mother. I will forever associate working in my flower garden with my mother. I have a garden stone that I put out every Spring. On it is written the scripture found in Ecclesiates 3:1.

     I have found this a fitting tribute to honor and remember my mother as I set it out in my garden every Spring. Once again it is fitting for the time of life in which I find myself, my youngest child graduating from high school and leaving home for college this Fall. Twice I have already experienced this with my two oldest children who are married and living on their own, too far away from home. I know too well the pain of parting with loved ones. We will all be together for a brief time this Spring for the graduation festivities. It will be a joyous and welcomed occasion, and I will savor each moment of it as I know it will be all to brief. Once again our life paths will cross; too soon it will be over and everyone will be back into their own life journey. So turns the circle of life, so change the seasons of our life.

  "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

  A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

  A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

(Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 8)

Turn Around (The Mormon Tabernacle Choir)

http://youtu.be/y88EuxEnbnA